I've come to get to know people by their love language. If you watch someone or are around someone long enough, you can figure them out pretty easily. The
Five Love Languages are the most (imho) effective ways to get along with your close friends, family and significant other. The gist of this is that humans understand they are loved/cared for/appreciated in the way that they
show others that
they are loved/cared for/appreciated. If you don't love them in their language, they won't feel loved. This is probably why people fall out of love or don't feel cared for. It's all about others. Always about others.
Hands down, mine are: gifts, physical touch, and acts of service. If you bring me a pack of gum, you have given me the world - you thought of
me when I wasn't with you, and to me, that thought is a gift in itself. And when I go shopping, I could buy something for everyone. I am usually thinking of others, being reminded of comments made, remember their favorite colors. I enjoy giving and feel loved when a
thoughtful gift is given - no matter what it could be.
In the last 6 years, physical touch has become a need of mine. Maybe because its the most prominent thing that's missing? I dunno. But I do know that I love my friends that are good huggers. I will touch people when I'm talking to them, walking by.... Maybe I just like being connected.
Acts of service - It wasn't until I was well into my 30's that I realized I can feel good about doing for others without expecting anything in return. When someone does something for me - leaves the porch light on, cuts the grass, takes out the trash, cooks dinner, it is such a HUGE gift of time (not the porch light). I'm am usually in awe that someone would help me without expecting anything, so that's how I'd like for others to feel.
One day, recently, I picked up a woman who was crossing the street, appearing to be having great difficulty walking anywhere quickly - cane, arm was folded up and paralyzed. My thought process went like this: "She needs a ride. Must not be going far. She can't run after me.She's not carrying a gun - there's no room for one." So I picked her up. Her name was Laurie and she wanted to stop at the fish market on the way to her apartment. She had had a stroke once and suffered head trauma in a fall. We had a nice conversation and I bought some yummy shrimp, that I wouldn't have otherwise purchased. Most likely, I'll never see her again. She laughed when I told her I went over the risks I was taking and surmised that since she couldn't run, I was safe. She had nothing to give. I have nothing to give. Groovy the way this works. That's what we're here for, right?
These are my languages. It crushes my spirit when my gifts aren't accepted or appreciate. And I certainly don't feel loved when these little needs aren't met. There's a lot to this love language business and its imperative that humans learn foreign languages of their loved ones and speak them accordingly. There's a
quiz you can take to learn yours, but knowing others' is probably most important.
I write this because I'm convinced I'm the only one paying any attention to it, and I just needed to get it out of my head and put it somewhere else.
Carry on. :-)
